Text

Hello! I’m April. I’m 29 years old and from Canada. My pronouns are she/her. I currently live with my partner of four years and our wonderful dogs. (We get married in 2024!) I deal with chronic pain daily. I am also autistic and have ADHD,  BPD, and cPTSD.

I  co-own a small stim toy business @flappyhappystim

The blog I use most is @traumasurvivors. I also have a trauma website you can find here. On there are links to my trauma podcast and blog posts.

You can also find me on @borderlinereminders

Click for my link tree that links to all my trauma related spaces. 

You can find me on instagram as Aprilthegayqueen 

Text

deathgasmic:

“why would we make plans in front of you if you weren’t invited?” babe i was left out of everything growing up, i need 100% confirmation you want me there or i simply will not go

(via anxious-and-in-pain)

Tags: 100%
Text

buffysummers:

image
image
image
image
image
image

Buffy the Vampire Slayer + apocalypses

Text

bamababygirl7:

image

(via imnotokaythanks)

Text

transloveairway:

when i was post op after top surgery i had a good friend there with me to help recover. but the nurse didnt get the memo and when i woke up she was like “ok i’m gonna go get your girlfriend and bring her in to see you!” and i remember being so zonked on anesthesia and so disoriented i just laid there thinking wow…… all that an they’re bringing me a girlfriend too this place is amazing

(via lechatelierite)

Text

skyinide:

fozmeadows:

thepioden:

afronerdism:

skyinide:

image

This might be the funniest reply I’ve ever seen in my life

image

I AM WHEEZING

PLEASE STOP REBLOGGING THIS OMFG

(via lechatelierite)

Text

lechatelierite:

chubbycarebear-xo:

bittyblueeyes:

nominanescio:

joestoyes:

unironicallyenthusiasticknitter:

dafezgirl:

thomas-is-so-vine-and-kind:

“really?” I say to inanimate objects that are not working like they usually do

“Stay.” I glare at inanimate objects that continuously fall over

“Thank you!” I say exhasperatedly to the inanimate objects when they do finally work right/stay put

“Sorry! I say to the table I bumped into

“SHHH” I say to the inanimate object that keeps making noise

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming,” I huff at the persistent kitchen timer.

“shut the fuck up” i hiss at the fridge when it beeps at me for having the door open too long while i’m looking for a snack

“Please be quiet” I say politely to my car when the seatbelt alarm beeps insistently at me to warn me that my groceries are not properly buckled in.

Text

prinnamon:

prinnamon:

so embarrassing when i forget im checking someone’s blog and i start scrolling through and liking and reblogging shit as if it’s just my dash. it feels like wandering into someone else’s apartment and not noticing and making myself lunch

reblog if i can wander into your apartment (blog) and make myself lunch (like and reblog as if it’s my dash)

(via lechatelierite)

Text

pathos-logical:

im-the-punk-who:

heck-in-a-handbasket:

missroserose:

wwwafflewrites:

So… I found this and now it keeps coming to mind. You hear about “life-changing writing advice” all the time and usually its really not—but honestly this is it man.

I’m going to try it.

image

I love the lawyer metaphor, because whenever I see “John knew that…” in prose writing I immediately think “how?  How does he know it?”  Interrogate your witnesses.  Cross-examine them.  Make them explain their reasoning.  It pays dividends.

All of this, but also feels/felt. My editor has forbidden me from using those and it’s forced me to stretch my skills.

[Link to the article for screen-readers]

[ID: The full text of an article. It reads:

“Writing Advice”: by Charles Palahniuk- In six seconds, you’ll hate me.

But in six months, you’ll be a better writer.

From this point forward – at least for the next half year – you may not use “thought” verbs. These include: Thinks, Knows, Understands, Realizes, Believes, Wants, Remembers, Imagines, Desires, and a hundred others you love to use.

The list should also include: Loves and Hates.

And it should include: Is and Has, but we’ll get to those, later.

Until some time around Christmas, you can’t write: Kenny wondered if Monica didn’t like him going out at night…”

Thinking is abstract. Knowing and believing are intangible. Your story will always be stronger if you just show the physical actions and details of your characters and allow your reader to do the thinking and knowing. And loving and hating.

Instead, you’ll have to Un-pack that to something like: “The mornings after Kenny had stayed out, beyond the last bus, until he’d had to bum a ride or pay for a cab and got home to find Monica faking sleep, faking because she never slept that quiet, those mornings, she’d only put her own cup of coffee in the microwave. Never his.”

Instead of characters knowing anything, you must now present the details that allow the reader to know them. Instead of a character wanting something, you must now describe the thing so that the reader wants it.

Instead of saying: “Adam knew Gwen liked him.”

You’ll have to say: “Between classes, Gwen was always leaned on his locker when he’d go to open it. She’d roll her eyes and shove off with one foot, leaving a black-heel mark on the painted metal, but she also left the smell of her perfume. The combination lock would still be warm from her ass. And the next break, Gwen would be leaned there, again.”

In short, no more short-cuts. Only specific sensory detail: action, smell, taste, sound, and feeling.

Typically, writers use these “thought” verbs at the beginning of a paragraph (In this form, you can call them “Thesis Statements” and I’ll rail against those, later) In a way, they state the intention of the paragraph. And what follows, illustrates them.

For example:

“Brenda knew she’d never make the deadline. Traffic was backed up from the bridge, past the first eight or nine exits. Her cell phone battery was dead. At home, the dogs would need to go out, or there would be a mess to clean up. Plus, she’d promised to water the plants for her neighbor…”

Do you see how the opening “thesis statement” steals the thunder of what follows? Don’t do it.

If nothing else, cut the opening sentence and place it after all the others. Better yet, transplant it and change it to: Brenda would never make the deadline.

Thinking is abstract. Knowing and believing are intangible. Your story will always be stronger if you just show the physical actions and details of your characters and allow your reader to do the thinking and knowing. And loving and hating.

Don’t tell your reader: “Lisa hated Tom.”

Instead, make your case like a lawyer in court, detail by detail. Present each piece of evidence. For example:

“During role call, in the breath after the teacher said Tom’s name, in that moment before he could answer, right then, Lisa would whisper-shout: ‘Butt Wipe,” just as Tom was saying, ‘Here’.”

One of the most-common mistakes that beginning writers make is leaving their characters alone. Writing, you may be alone. Reading, your audience may be alone. But your character should spend very, very little time alone. Because a solitary character starts thinking or worrying or wondering.

For example: Waiting for the bus, Mark started to worry about how long the trip would take..”

A better break-down might be: “The schedule said the bus would come by at noon, but Mark’s watch said it was already 11:57. You could see all the way down the road, as far as the Mall, and not see a bus. No doubt, the driver was parked at the turn-around, the far end of the line, taking a nap. The driver was kicked back, asleep, and Mark was going to be late. Or worse, the driver was drinking, and he’d pull up drunk and charge Mark seventy-five cents for death in a fiery traffic accident…”

A character alone must lapse into fantasy or memory, but even then you can’t use “thought” verbs or any of their abstract relatives.

Oh, and you can just forget about using the verbs forget and remember.

No more transitions such as: “Wanda remember how Nelson used to brush her hair.”

Instead: “Back in their sophomore year, Nelson used to brush her hair with smooth, long strokes of his hand.”

Again, Un-pack. Don’t take short-cuts.

Better yet, get your character with another character, fast. Get them together and get the action started. Let their actions and words show their thoughts. You – stay out of their heads.

And while you’re avoiding “thought” verbs, be very wary about using the bland verbs “is” and “have.”

One of the most-common mistakes that beginning writers make is leaving their characters alone.

For example:

“Ann’s eyes are blue.”

“Ann has blue eyes.”

Versus:

“Ann coughed and waved one hand past her face, clearing the cigarette smoke from her eyes, blue eyes, before she smiled…”

Instead of bland “is” and “has” statements, try burying your details of what a character has or is, in actions or gestures. At its most basic, this is showing your story instead of telling it.

And forever after, once you’ve learned to Un-pack your characters, you’ll hate the lazy writer who settles for: “Jim sat beside the telephone, wondering why Amanda didn’t call.”

Please. For now, hate me all you want, but don’t use “thought” verbs. After Christmas, go crazy, but I’d bet money you won’t. End ID]

(via lechatelierite)

Text

brightlotusmoon:

image

(via imnotokaythanks)

Text

enii:

image

Not really sure what to do next but at least we have each other💕

(via littlevnavy)

Text

borderlinereminders:

disabilityreminders:

Tips for Cleaning

Cleaning is one of those tasks that a lot of us find exhausting, overwhelming or just overall daunting for a number of reasons. It could be related to executive dysfunction, disabilities or just feeling overall burnt out. 

While it’s a good reminder that your space not being clean doesn’t affect your worth in any way, sometimes being in a mess makes us feel worse and we really want to fix it. The question is, where can you start when it’s already so overwhelming? 

Please keep in mind that a lot of my suggestions might not work for you personally. And if that’s the case, that’s really valid but hopefully they can help you come up with your own ideas! 

This might be more overwhelming for some, so don’t do this if you think this wouldn’t work for you. But for me personally, I like to go into a room and make a list of that room. This list might include wiping things down, sweeping, moving garbage, etc. I do this for any and all rooms I have the energy for. Having a written list makes it feel less overwhelming to me. I can just pick an item and cross it off. I tend to cross off the quicker/easier items first because making my list look smaller makes it seem more manageable. You can break the tasks down as much or as little as you want. I personally like to have “wash dishes”, “put away dishes” as two separate tasks while others might just want to put “dishes.” 

If you can’t think of things to put on the list, I find that googling some generic cleaning lists helps me get started and reminds me of what tasks to include. 

Now I’d like to share some general tips for cleaning when it’s overwhelming that help me! 

Break it Into Little Steps

There aren’t really any major rules for cleaning. Things got a lot easier for me when I realized I don’t have to do it all at once. When I’ve had the dishes pile up in the past beyond a point of manageable for me, I made a deal with myself. Every time I went to use a new dish, I had to wash that dish and one other dish (or a couple utensils). This ensured that the pile gradually got smaller each time I used a dish but made it a manageable amount for me. 

The same can be said for things like folding laundry. I would fold a piece anytime I walked into my bedroom. I would pick up garbage anytime I walked by it and toss it. Over time, it felt like it looked more manageable and I was able to just focus and get it all done. Sometimes we find this helps us jumpstart the task because for me, starting is the hard part. But once I start, I’m able to keep going. Telling myself I only have to do “two dishes” or “dishes for 5 minutes” made it seem a lot more manageable to look at it as a small thing. But often I’d find as I got going that I was able to keep going. 

Combine it With Something You Enjoy

For me, cleaning while doing something I enjoy has helped a lot! I love to fold laundry while I watch my comfort show. It’s one of those tasks that I can do while still doing something I love. I find I don’t focus so much on the folding and the pile is getting smaller before I know it. 

Some other ideas of things you can do: 

  • Listen to a playlist that makes you feel pumped up (maybe even have a dance party if you’re up to it.)
  • Listen to an audio book or podcast
  • Have a show playing in the background that you enjoy
  • While it’s considered its own thing as “body doubling” sometimes, having company helps. Even if that’s just talking to a friend on the phone, or even texting with a friend while we both clean our own spaces. It’s kind of like an accountability buddy and leaves me feeling like I’m not doing it alone. 
  • Make cleaning a game! This might include things like picking a colour and then only dealing with things with that colour like only folding blue clothing, washing blue dishes, etc. This might include rolling dice and assigning certain tasks to certain numbers. Or it might be something silly like cleaning while pretending you’re your favourite character or even something like a robot. You could use mannerisms or phrases that they would use and react to things how you think they would. (It might be fun to pretend to be a villain having to do your own chores because your “minion” disappeared for the day. How unimpressed would they be? What would they say while they folded laundry?)

Adjust the Tasks to be Easier for You

One thing that holds me back from cleaning is I’m in a lot of pain usually. Things got a lot easier for me once I realized that I can make adjustments as needed. For me, even though I can’t do it all at once, I found sitting to sweep was really helpful! 

Other ideas:

  • Use disposable cleaning wipes. There are even disposable options for toilet wands and things like that! I found the act of filling up a bowl with hot water and cleaner to be the thing that would freeze me. Just grabbing a wipe, or using a spray and paper towel was a game changer for me. 
  • While a lot of people do this already, I’ve heard others that don’t but I definitely recommend soaking your dishes in hot, soapy water. It makes them significantly easier to wash. 
  • Get a duster with an extendable handle so you don’t have to get up on chairs or things like that. 
  • Invest in a grabber tool. This is a tool that can be used to grab things in hard to reach places, or if you have difficulty bending. 
  • Get a chair that’s easy to move around. This can allow you to do tasks like sweeping or wiping stuff down while sitting. I personally have a rolling chair!

Some General Tips 

  • If you’re finding it too overwhelming to start, try setting a timer for something like “10 minutes” and then see what you can get done in 10 minutes. You could start by grabbing all the garbage, or clearing a table or something that’s straight forward and can help you start. 
  • Don’t overdo it. It’s okay to pace yourself. In fact, you should. Take your time getting caught up, and once you do, try to do something small every day rather than trying to cram a lot into one day. 
  • It’s okay to just do one thing. This kind of ties back into how I caught up on my dishes. My friend has to pack to move and she’s having to organize her things into what she’s packing, donating, or discarding. She made a deal with herself that each day she would handle a set number of items. (A number like 5, 10, or 15). If you need to de-clutter, planning on finding just 5 items a day to get rid of might be a good place to start. 
  • Find some structure. I personally like printing a cleaning planner that breaks down my weekly, monthly and sometimes tasks that are every few months. It also helps me because I’m not sure how often I should be doing things like cleaning out my fridge, or bigger tasks like that. Having a check list and when I should be doing it helps a lot. 
  • It’s okay to ask for help! I know that we often feel ashamed of asking for help, or showing someone our space if we don’t think it’s clean enough. But it is absolutely okay to ask a friend for help. My friend regularly found laundry exhausting and overwhelming. When it fell behind on her, it paralyzed her. I would go and fold her laundry for her. And it helped her feel less bad about that when she’d do me a favour. (For example, she loves to cook and I’m often too drained to, so she made me some meal prep.) 
  • Find products you like! I love using certain scented products and while I never get excited about cleaning, there is something I enjoy about smelling them! 
  • Focus on one room at a time if you can. When it’s overwhelming, I even just pick a corner of the room and work my way out. 
  • Reward yourself! This might not work for everyone, but I love doing this. If I do this one task, then I get to do something fun. I’ve actually assigned tasks certain point amounts because I love seeing my “points” climb up and then I get a bigger reward at bigger numbers. (Also I always recommend cute stickers for your lists!) 
  • Take a before picture or video. Sometimes, we find that we can’t see progress despite being at it for awhile. It’s easier to forget where you started and seeing the progress can be really motivating! 
  • You don’t have to follow a set of rules! What I mean by this is it’s okay if you don’t put away your dishes. Just because you’ve been taught that’s a part of doing dishes doesn’t mean you have to put them away. If it doesn’t bother you, it’s totally okay to leave the clean dishes in the sink and use them as needed! Try and get it out of your head that you need to follow a certain set of rules and do what’s right for you.

Cleaning is overwhelming. While a cleaner living space can make us feel better mentally, I do want to remind you again that living in a mess is not a moral failure. You aren’t less worthy if you’re in a mess. You are still worthy, valuable and enough as you are. 

Final tip - Write a post on how to make cleaning easier… Because now that I’ve written this, I realize I should practice what I’ve talked about and clean my place a bit. 😂

(via borderlinereminders)

Text

mckitterick:

agayworthfightingfor:

tbh i kinda hate the “lol tumblr users are old and thats why we’re in pain” jokes

like. no. you arent old, youre fucking 30, and if youre in constant pain there is something wrong and you may be able to actually DO something about it if you acknowledge it!!!!

like yeah the only medical care a lot of people have access to is worse than useless but instead of pretending its fine and normal we could be sharing resources and figuring shit out!!!

this is super important

I’m a lot older than 30, and my history includes motorcycle accidents, getting shot, tearing tendons, breaking bones, dislocating a shoulder, etc

yet I only feel pain when I do things that I can easily avoid, neglect to do mobility work after hard physical activity, use bad ergonomics, or just do something stupid

if you’re relatively young and feeling pain unrelated to a physical injury, talk to someone who’s an expert in physiology or physical therapy

if you have good health insurance, get thee to a doctor or a physical therapist who can diagnose what’s going on and put you on a treatment or maintenance program

living with unnecessary pain can lead to or mask chronic illness

pain is a warning sign - understand what you’re being warned about

(via spaceydreem)

Photo
afeelgoodblog:
“It will all be okay hooman
”

afeelgoodblog:

It will all be okay hooman

(via paint-it-happy)

Text

traumasurvivors:

I have a new side blog to focus on disability reminders and positivity. It’s @disabilityreminders

(via traumasurvivors)

Text

One thing that really sucks about chronic pain for me is figuring out if some pain is just a really bad day from possibly overdoing it, or if it’s an actual injury.